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divorced hearts mending

…allow it to happen.

Month

June 2013

When Words Are Not Enough

It blessed me this morning. Take a look.

divorced hearts mending

From any angle divorce is horrible. It is a death to parts of us that one can barely put into words. A groan could only express the hurt sometimes because words do not seem to be enough. Thank God that He understands the groans of our pain as well. Sometimes my quietness is not a lack of my intelligence but a lack of finding the right words. Even the best writers or story tellers can’t do justice to what we go through in this life. It is in these times that you have to sit down, close everyone else off, and ask God to manifest His presence. Please know that God is always with us because He is omnipresence, but when He manifests, that is something all together different. The manifestation brings a comfort, peace, a hug, a clarity, and a cleansing. It reinforces your faith that God is real…

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My Voice

My Voice.

My Voice

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If you could hear me talk you would hear triumphant in my tone, with a hint of stand back along with a passion for the brokenhearted impacted by divorce. The stories that I have heard have broken my own heart over and over and over again. I can’t seem to wrap my mind around the lengths that people go to, to hurt someone that they “once loved”. It is amazing that once a person finds someone else, then their basic human regard for their spouse goes out the window. I honestly can not comprehend it. Nothing can make infidelity right. Abandoning your family is not going to be understood on any level. Sooooooooooooooooooooo if you want to leave a person, fine but leave them with their dignity for God’s sake.

One lady that I met went to work one day. She came home and her husband had taken everything, but left her with only a 2- liter soda in the fridge and her clothes. He took the toilet paper, can goods, and every bed in the house! Another lady I met her husband had several other women on the side. My response to this story was “Girl didn’t you know?” She said, “I had no idea.” In my youth I would have said that she was stupid, but now that I have had my own life experience; I understand her because I had no idea! So he left her and their kids to be live his life as a womanizer. No one person is perfect in a relationship, but does a person deserve that?

As I am going through this part of my journey I am reminded that the pain of divorce runs deep but the betrayal and hurt from the actions of a person you were committed to run much deeper. My desire is to help this pain in some way. I pray God uses me to do that. Every story I hear startles me in a different way. At some point I guess I must get over the shock. I have heard of things that were done to people and even to me that I WOULD HAVE NEVER EVER THOUGHT TO DO TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! That statement is not coming from a goody-two-shoes place it is coming from a place of sincerity. There is a conscience in this writer. I want to be able to sleep at night.

My voice will help the healing. My voice will help the pain. My experience is going to encourage someone. God is going to see to it. I am a speaker, author, minister, and writer. It is what I was meant to do. I AM HERE FOR YOU.

Wisdom: My Pastor was preaching a couple of Sundays ago and he made a statement. He said, “Fast food is easy to come by. Everyone stands in line for it and sometimes the line wraps around the building.” My tag line to that: A home cooked meal, often gets left on the stove.”

Ms. W. A.

divorced hearts mending

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Many tables were occupied, but there was one left that was not. So I pulled out the chair to sit down. “You can sit down by me”, she says. It was Ms. W.A. I did not know her. I had never met her before, but I had a feeling that she has never met a stranger. She instantly began to talk to me about her faith. Her excitement was refreshing and my eye noticed every line in her face which was so interesting and it drew me to her. I was ready to learn. It was almost 11 at night. Ms. W.A had several bags, her walker, and plenty of good sense. However, where was her ride? Who was she waiting for? The cab so she had plenty of time to talk.

She automatically assumed that I was married and I told her no, I am not. Then she began…

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Ms. W. A.

MP900439253[1]

Many tables were occupied, but there was one left that was not. So I pulled out the chair to sit down. “You can sit down by me”, she says. It was Ms. W.A. I did not know her. I had never met her before, but I had a feeling that she has never met a stranger. She instantly began to talk to me about her faith. Her excitement was refreshing and my eye noticed every line in her face which was so interesting and it drew me to her. I was ready to learn. It was almost 11 at night. Ms. W.A had several bags, her walker, and plenty of good sense. However, where was her ride? Who was she waiting for? The cab so she had plenty of time to talk.

She automatically assumed that I was married and I told her no, I am not. Then she began to share her life. This was just some of Ms. W.A’s story: I was married once to the father of my 5 kids. I am divorce and never got remarried again though. I was 39 and my husband worked the grave yard shift. He always took the kids to school and for some reason he had been late taking the kids to school since the beginning of this particular week. We had just started to do good you know. My husband was making good money, we had just bought a beautiful home, and a nice new car. It was canary yellow. You know how you can spot your car from anywhere? Well this particular day my husband was running late again. I said to myself, “Oh I do not want the kids to be late again! I will just take them.” In those days when your kids were late the parents had to go into the school to explain why. I was in my robe and just said I will just have to take them in this. For some reason I took a way to their school that I never did. So as I was driving down this back street I saw my canary yellow car parked at a house that I did not recognize. So I stopped to knock on the door. I went to the door and the most beautiful white woman answers the door. Her eyes were gorgeous. You should have seen them. I asked her was my husband here and explained that I needed him to come take the kids to school because I was not dressed. My husband then begins to run to the door zipping his pants up and asking me what I was doing there. He started to give me all these excuses and then he started telling me to go home. I got so made because then I realized what was going on. I then picked up a bottle and threw it at him. Thank God I missed. Her story continued but this is what got me.

Her voice began to quiver as she talked about it! I was not ready for that. She had told me earlier in the conversation that she was turning 73. She went on to say that it took her 12 years not to cry when she talked about that story but yet she was almost in tears at that very moment!!! Her pain broke me and healed me at the same time. I can’t really explain it as strange as that sounds. As I went to take her home she went on the say that she thought he was the one for her and that she thought he loved her and would have never hurt her. She said that she has not let any other man touch her since she divorced him 34 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you just hear what I said?

Her story absolutely made me grateful for the hope that God allowed me to have in my heart for my future after what happened to me regarding my divorce. Although the pain is horrible, and it can distort the promises of God for your life; there is life after divorce. There is a possibility for another love to come into your life. After your world has been taken by a hurricane of betrayal and infidelity, that is so hard to see. Your heart can heal. You must allow it.

Her story motivated me to push forward and see what God has for me even more. Ms. W.A told me to trust God and that I would be fine. Praise God, I know I will.

Giving Yourself 100%

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What percentage are you giving yourself? Put a number on it! Sit back and honestly assess where you are in your own self-investment. You may find yourself a little disappointed or maybe a lot. It is common for us to empty out all of our creativity, love, time, effort, and attention into others or other things while short changing what we need. “YOU” always seem to be less important. Is there a happy medium? Is there a way for everything to get 100%? I would say yes to both questions, and this is why.

A happy medium is the ability to compromise so that everything or everyone gets something that they need or want. We tend to do this effortlessly. So far as giving everything 100%, I think you can. We group everything in our lives into one boat, then try to pull from that. In other words we have one “power bar” so to speak and we pull power from that one “power bar” constantly without switching it out. Remember Mortal combat? The fighters had power bars and once they became so battered from the other component they died. On the other hand the opponent that is winning keeps there power and therefore lives to fight another battle. Once another battle starts your “power bar” starts over all well. What am I saying? Everything in your life can get a 100% from you if you focus and give that appointed task, at the appointed time, your 100% effort. Then, move onto the next thing and do the same thing. Don’t short change it. Start with a new “power bar”.

Giving yourself 100% will require that you follow through on your promises to you. It will require working toward goals that you know will better you. Give going back to school 100% by studying your behind off. Give your weight loss 100% when you are in your work out sessions and 100% discipline in your eating habits. Give 100% effort to reaching your goals.

I know that when I was married my goal was to give 100% to that man. I did not want him to worry about my devotion to him. I called him often throughout the day. I washed his clothes and I tried as best as I could to change what he did not like about me. I even took those hidden suggestions and tried to apply them. Talk about giving 100%! So when I became single I honestly did not know how to give all of that effort to myself. How was I suppose to refocus that energy? I am learning how to more and more everyday. I have started with applying that same energy to my dreams, my goals, and my visions for my life. Take one step at a time.

Leave it all on the field for YOU! 100% and nothing less!!!

You’ve Got To Know

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It is so very difficult, too darn hard, and nearly impossible for someone to tell you how valuable you are when YOU do not want to believe it!!!! I would love to change both of our mindsets. I would love to just flip a switch so that YOU could truly realize what is on the inside of YOU. Prayerfully these words will do some justice! I am going to say this, if YOU do not know then no one else will. You’ve got to know! Know means to perceive or understand as fact or truth. So, do you “know”?

If you do not want someone having the ability to choose a life that does not belong to you, then you’ve got to know the life you were meant to live. You’ve got to know what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. If not someone will decide it for you.

I have recently come into the realization that the power I have given people is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY TOO MUCH POWER THAT THEY DO NOT DESERVE, NOR WERE THEY MEANT TO HAVE. They will never use it properly. As I have endured this divorce it has caused me to come face to face with what I have allowed. Notice I said “allowed”. I have no regrets from going all in on my marriage, but my worth and your worth has to be known before we go into any type of relationship. I did not get that until now. I know he or she leaving was a big blow but yet you are worth someone choosing to remain and not leave. The break hurts like hell but you can survive this. You do have some great qualities to share. What you don’t like you are empowered to change. Just ensure that what you are changing is not something that is really good about yourself, in which the other person simply just did not appreciate, because someone else will.

You’ve got to know.

Memories: Good or Bad?

Taking A Picture

Memory by definition is the mental capacity of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions; or recalling or recognizing previous experiences. Are memories good or bad? It is arguable for sure. Who wants to remember a bad break up, a horrible death, betrayal, an unkind word, or any other traumatic experience? On the other hand who wants to forget words of encouragement that brought us through the roughest of times, a hug, a passionate kiss, a gentle touch, ones wedding day, or graduation day? With that being said I guess it depends on the memory.

The photo attached to this post shows a woman taking pictures of her kids. At this point it is a memory or their age, what they look like, their smiles, their joy, and their innocence. In the wake of an awful incident of death or illness that same photo becomes a memory of something that has been lost like their tangible presence or vitality. Our memories are our mental database of our lives and we pull from it at will and against our will sometimes. It can cause us to relive an event or imagine the future. It is one of the things God gifted us although it may seem like a bitter enemy at times. It isn’t.

Memories are our mental photo book and upon review of it we will find bad and good memories. But, they are memories of the past and we can say we have made it through A LOT! Aren’t you proud of yourself? All the crap, you survived! All the good stuff, you got to experience it! Wow it has been quite a ride. Are you ready for some more? Well get ready because you will have more photos for your memory to store. Remember that everything works together for the good of those that love God. So through it all pray for your heart to stay encouraged and in tuned with God. In doing this, even the bad memories you will be able to put in a nice frame.

I Want a Balloon!

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I want a balloon! Why do children cry that when they see one? Balloons are nice but in all honesty they pop when you least expect it and fly away just the same. So what is the fascination? I still want a balloon! But why? It does not do anything but stand there suspended in air. Yet a child still feels privileged to have one and cries when they do not get one. A balloon is far from an accessory, a new blouse, or a stunning new pair of shoes, but it is one of those novelties that just seems to bring joy.

Balloons have evolved to read, “Congratulations!” and have been produced in various colors. They draw attention. Which color would you choose if you could have one right now? Would it resemble your mood or would you get your favorite color? The bottom line is everyone wants a balloon. They want the novelty that brings joy and even if the possibility is that it will pop; one is willing to take the chance. But what is funny is that when a balloon flies away, it is seems so devastating. What is even funnier is that getting another one is not even satisfying at the time.

Something drifting away can be painful, but it still does not remove the longing to want a replacement for what has been lost. Do I want to get remarried? Yes. Do I see myself being healed and restored? Yes. Can you see yourself being restored and healed from your divorce? Do you see the hope in being able to move past the pain of the “pop” in your life? I know you never thought it would happen. I get that. I just want you to know that balloons are manufactured by the millions ever year. God is the creator of the billions of humans in this world. If He knows what balloon makes you smile, surely He has created the man or woman that is right for you. When the time is right, it will happen. I have met people at many stages of the divorce journey, and some are trying to wrap their minds around wanting some one else and others are actually ready to move on to some one else. One day I hope you will desire another balloon when the time is right. I do.

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