Next batter-batter-batter up! Who is going to be next? Lord what will he or she look like? She’s cute. He’s cute. These are one of the many thoughts that a person has after divorce or a significant break up has. Then of course because you can’t just blink like “I dream of Jeanie” you look at every person that crosses your path and casually think maybe they could be the one. Are you even ready for that is the multi-million dollar question?
People that I have spoken to about their divorce or break-up have said that it has taken them 6, 8, and even 10 years just to be able to date!!! That just does not sound encouraging me! Initially that is, but now I totally understand it! I remember a little before and right after my divorce that I would talk to this great guy that gave me some really sound advice. He told me to take 1 year at least, just for myself to be single after my divorce was final. He choose to be single for 5 after his. However I was drawn to his sensitivity and care for me during that very difficult time in my life and we began to have a very genuine connection which led to us falling for one another, but because I was so fresh out of my marriage he expressed his extreme caution to proceed with me. Needless to say, it did not work out because he was falling for me from a whole place and me from a broken-fix me place. He choose to stay away! Wise decision. I do not know why I hate to admit this, but he was right. I was not ready. I would have been using him as a replacement. I wanted to soothe the loneliness. I wanted that closeness that I was ripped from me. I was hurting so very badly from my “divorce fall out” that I would have hurt two great people if we would have gotten into a relationship, him and me.
I am learning that you have to decide that your healing is mandatory! It is wise to desire a whole heart for the next person that deserves it, to be loved from. Choosing to stay alone is one of the best choices that one can make after a divorce or a long relationship break up. Think of it as recuperation time. Time for you to reinvent yourself and stabilize your emotions. Time for you to become intimate with you. It is a must. I am now taking my own advice. The truth is I have not been listening, so now my ears are wide open!