divorced hearts mending

…allow it to happen.


August 2013

Pitiful or Powerful

Businessman Thinking on Steps

Watching Secret Millionaire and I am enjoying the part of my heart that it touches. It reminds me that even in the deepest pain of this divorce, there is power on the inside of me. In the ocean of my disappointment I have questioned why. Attached to the root of bitterness twoard those who have abandoned me, is the call of God unto to me to release it. So that the bitterness can be uprooted, therefore not allowing it to affect the bloom of flowers that He has planted on the inside of me.

I have felt pitiful more than once and it has caused me to try and lick my wounds to health while avoiding the help that “peroxide” can offer. I am just getting to know my power, and it whispers to me often that it was always here but you have never used me like this before. Power sees the possibility of death as a chance to fight harder. Power takes despair by the face and dares it to do more damage. Power resurrects, propels, and above all encourages. I am choosing to be powerful in this season. I am choosing to survive the pain of divorce. I am choosing to pull from the power God has imparted into me to help others. What’s your choice?

I write because I love God. I write because I love people. I write because I feel the closest to God when I do. My writing is my praise. It is my prayers. This is all I have ever wanted to do; write so people could be healed.
No more pity, just power. No more pity, just power. No mroe pity, just power. No more pity, just power. God help me to live it out in Jesus name. Amen.


What Is Your Pressure Point?


What can break you? What do you think can push you to a point of no return? I thought that it was the day that my ex-husband told me that he did not want to fight for my marriage, or when I learned that he took his mistress to my favorite restaurant. I remember merely months before saying that if I knew that my now, ex-husband was having an affair, that it would take me mentally and emotionally out of here. This was my pressure point. I love hard and for real. There is no way that anyone could have told me that I would have been able to make it past that, but I did. God is truly amazing. It is only in HIS strength that I was able to.

My pressure point was in the decision that my ex-husband made to throw away 14 years of me and my child’s life. He was the only father that she had known since she was 4 years old. However I survived the pressing of my pressure point in regards to that situation once again. My survival was certain; and at the same time, for the first time of my life, I discovered what it was like dragging around a corps which belonged to me.

What is the point of me saying this? I want to tell you that you are stronger than you think you are. You are stronger than you believe. You have strength that you have yet to use. Our pressure points are always accessible in this world we are living in. We face the threat of furious drivers, the vulnerability of our collective and individual safety, and not to mention the strain that we experience in our relationships. It gets heavy. It gets crazy and some of us have already decided that we cannot make it through. So our defeat begins in what we believe while we become that much more susceptible to our pressure points taking us to a point of no return.

Here are some helpful tips in dealing with reaching your pressure point. I need, you need to know that making a decision to “make it through” is your first defense. Believe you can. Your second is deciding to press forward past the moment so that some of the tension from the situation can be released. It clears your mind. Lastly pray and know that you need a power bigger than you to extend your tolerance so that you can handle the situation. You can do it.

I see my strength in the mirror when I look at myself. My pressure points have been readjusted. My tolerance has been reset. I just continue to move forward. Continue to walk with me. Believe that I am following God.

Giving It A Chance


Not everything deserves a chance, but some things do. I will never forget the Colism which I am going to paraphrase that says, “Immaturity is the assumption that there is a need to try everything at least once.” I love that statement because it gives the insight that maturity along with wisdom has. I understand that there is a desire for me to try most things in life but, equally I get that everything is not for me. Some chances are life changing. Other chances have lasting consequences. Therefore not everything is okay for me to try. Nevertheless at the same time there is a need to give “it” a chance. What is “it”?

“It” could be a genuine opportunity to fall in love again. “It” could be the change that you have been pursuing for most of your life, that could change your life. “It” could possibly be a shift in your mindset that propels you into a future where your dreams have been waiting for you. “It” could just be in a decision that you have avoided to make.

Give “it” a chance. Not everything, just the good things. The things that make you smile. The things that impart a seed of faith that keeps you hoping in despair and keeps you shining when the lights are out. Things that keep your head bowed and your hands raised in praise to God. Things that fulfill you. Things that promise and actually keep their word. Use wisdom to know the difference.

Just……give “it” a chance. Only the right “it”.

Trying to Divorce the Memories

Young Man with His Hand on His Forehead

Everyone has attempted to let go of “what was” but memories don’t die. They remain in full color with all sights, feelings and tastes in tact. When it comes to a marriage or any long term relationship the taste of their lips, the hugs, the quiet moments are burned into our history which could never be rewritten. What do you do? Do you try to forget and in doing so try to divorce the memories like you divorced that person? Don’t attempt to. Let me say this, it is impossible to do so when a familiar sight or sound can freeze time and have you reminiscing or when one little memory can violently push you back an entire decade. Yes one memory has the power to do that. It can play with your heart and mind.

I was married for almost 12 years and with him for a total of 14 years. I have tried to forget the last 14 years of my life because it hurt too much to remember. I remember not even wanting to think because how was I going to do so without remembering him, or our life together. The craziest part of dealing with those memories was when I did manage to forget (if only for a moment) the past 14 years I had nothing to replace it with!!!! That terrified me even more. I felt lost absolutely alone.

I knew at that moment that I had to move forward. But of course it was going to be easier said than done. So I have reconciled within myself that I can’t forget and won’t forget. But I don’t allow the memories to haunt me any more. I am helpless against what my mind remembers so I don’t fight it because even if the memories are not on my mind at that time, they are lying within my memory bank somewhere. So I allow the old memories to come. I bury them and allow them to R.I.P, live to make new memories, and meditate on what adds peace and fulfillment to my life.

The memories will be with you for a lifetime; embrace that fact. Focus on your life and how YOU are going to live it. It is time to start building memories for the life that you want; one step at a time and one day at a time.

Fatal Focus


Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Anyone who knows me, knows that where my conversation is, there is my focus. It puts me in a position of such vulnerability because those who know me can read me well. Then I come under scrutiny of what I am suppose to be focused on. Darn it, accountability! Being focused on something puts it on the marquee of your mind for all to read. Because inevitably you will talk, talk, and talk about it. Whatever “it” is.

Your focus is crucial to where you are, where you are going, and where you end up. It is too important for your focus to be fatally lasered in on absolute crap. Yes crap! ***Craziness needless Repetition & Absolute undue Pressure**-JW Distractions that eat up your time and steal your efforts from being put where they need to be. It happens to us all but it is taken far too lightly for us to stand by and allow it to happen. This is applicable to everyone with a pulse.

You have only ONE life and there are no do-overs. There are no sorries that can be said from the grave. There is no business plan that can thrive in procrastination. There is no clock that goes in reverse; you will get older. Do it now! Fatal focus is an enemy of progress and accomplishment. Soooooooo how do you stop it? Below are just SOME tips that I am taking which is helping me to take my focus back and put it where it SHOULD be!!!

1.) Start by stepping out of your normal surroundings to get away. Focus sometimes requires seclusion or a change of scenery.
2.) Make a short-term goal that is accomplishable. This way you get those quick-adrenaline-inspired moments while working towards the longer term goals on your list. Encouragement pushes us all!!!!
3.) First, but lastly get alone with God and get a purpose that will drive you.

*******************Focus needs a destination & a target.*************

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