divorced hearts mending

…allow it to happen.


November 2013

The Tactics of Temptations


Inspired this morning by a sermon from Breakaway Ministries. I listened to a podcast about “Temptations”. He talked about how the tactics of temptation are strategic. I must share this with you. Listed below are some he talked about and others that were revealed to me.

1.) They desire to “poke fun” at your beliefs. When temptation strikes it will yield the illusion that you are the only one that has a moral standard or belief in that particular area of enticement. Be aware of why you believe what you believe. Confront what could possibly be leading you in the opposite direction of that. Is it the promise of pleasure, satisfaction, or success?

2.) Distract your mind. The distraction of your mind is key with temptation because it longs to entertain you. Entertainment can fascinate us for hours on end with content that has absolutely no value at all. Temptation knows that if it can entertain you then you will tune in daily, then temptation will begin to make suggestions, then your behavior follows. Be care of this. Check your thoughts as well as what is “entertaining” them.

3.) Use of the fifth column approach. I once read this book “Loyalty and Disloyalty” (hope I got the name right) and it talked about the power of the “fifth column” The fifth column is used to destroy something from the inside out. It infiltrates from the inside by sowing things like deception and miscommunication with the purpose of weakening the foundation that is established along with the sowing of discord between ALL parties involved. It is one of the oldest tricks in the book but it works every time. With that being said be alert to the motives and intentions of those close to you. Make sure they are imparting the right things and not imparting garbage that brings confusion and chaos.

The goal was to shake you awake to pay attention better in your own life. Do not sit idly by and watch something malfunction without your earnest and prayerful attempt to prevent it. This is your wake up call!!!

Understand that temptation is strategic, not invincible. You can beat it. Temptation needs four key things to be successful in your life; your pride, your lack of focus, your lack of conviction and your willingness to keep God out of your business. Make your mind up that supporting your pride is not more important than the embarrassment and hurt it can cause at the end of the day. You do not want that legacy. Your lack of focus means your attention is on the wrong thing. Get a hold of it because what glitters, looks like gold. That’s it. It “looks” like it. Which means gold is not what it is. Do not end of broke because you made a faulty investment. Convictions are key. Do not listen to people who say your only conviction should be, to be a good person. Because good is based on who is making the rule of “good”. God is the only one truly capable of being objective to what good is and He designed it to benefit everyone. Let’s face it. Our good usually only benefits us. You and I need that guidance. Our yield to temptation is killing figuratively and literally.

Let me say this in closing regarding your relationship with God. You are His creation whether you want to be or not. Stop fighting Him for control and get Him involved in your business. The tangled web we weave in our lives needs a solution that has a power beyond this world. Seriously it does. He knows our lives better anyway. Trust me you will eventually come to the end of your knowledge, your problem-solving abilities, and your strength.


LGD: “I Have Strength in the Midst of My Pain”

Can you recall the faces that are hung on the wall of a doctor’s office or in an emergency room? The faces range from a frown to a smile. The chart is suppose to be an indication of your pain level. What about when they simply want to know what level is your pain; score it from 1 to 10. Have you ever had your pain feel like it ranked an 8 or higher, but yet you still managed to make it to the doctor or emergency room anyway? How did you continue to push through such pain?! What motivated you to keep going to get there? Was it the motivation for a CURE of the PAIN; many would agree.

Your mind was made up to go get the help you needed and your strength had to follow. Which means your strength was there before the pain. Catch that? Your strength was there before the pain. The very attributes that we love in a “movie hero” lie in us all. We often do not understand how powerful we really are. God designed us to adapt and persevere. He knew what we would need to make it in this life. Do we have strength in the midst of the pain we experience in life? Yes! We were created with it.

Your strength will not lessen the pain because that is not strength’s purpose. Strength is not meant to cure pain, it is meant to take you through it. It is the wind in your back when you want to fall backwards and give up. Your cure comes as you persevere. Know that God has fully equipped you.

LGD: I Am Equipped!

I am equipped! Come on say, it out loud! I am equipped! Equipped by definition means to furnish or provide whatever is needed for use or for any undertaking. What keeps you up at night tormenting you about how you are going to fail? What makes you feel as if you have no tools or resources? Whatever “it” is has not had you to stand up to it yet. I always say that confrontation can be a very good thing! However you must be prepared with the response of confrontation and while doing so be firm on your position. So here is your chance to speak to your ability to handle what is in front of you, and what will come at you. You are equipped to win. You are equipped to love the unloveable. You are equipped to forgive. You are equipped to pray even when you feel like you can’t. Do not give feelings of discouragement lots of ground. Put it in its place; out of your mind! You really do have everything that you need.


Having to start over is liken to a reset button in the middle of a game that you were playing and had every intention of finishing. Frustration sets in instantly because at that moment you know that you are going to have to -start-all-over-again! Who wants to really start from the beginning?! On the other hand, others would argue that starting over gives you an opportunity to play the game differently, and hopefully better. But, what if you felt like you were doing it right the first time and the “reset” was pressed unfairly?

The truth is the “reset” of life happens often. One cannot plan for it, nor can it or will it be avoided. It is the “jack in the box” of life popping out to surprise us even when we did turn the handle. Our lives will change. Our lives do change. Our lives are changing. Thus, the need to start over.

It is fact that starting over can entail you physically having to reposition, it can require that a perspective shift has to occur, or that there is a release that needs to take place so you can move forward. It can appear to be a lot of work, nevertheless it may be just want you need. I know that our wants are so much more exciting to possess, but remember our needs are so much more vital to our being. At times we need to “reset”.

Be encouraged! A reset is a chance to realign and readjust. It is an opportunity to take an assessment of what was, and do better by what is going to be. Embrace your reset as you would a newly purchased home. Get inspired to tend the yard. Take the time to strategize how you want to make things in your life or situation look and ultimately be better. Be fearless to confront the big empty rooms and do not be afraid to mess up! It’s yours. Your life is good, even if it is not perfect. We were created by God to be able to withstand many storms. The changes are simply that, a change, not the end of our world. Your reset means that there is a new beginning starting, not your life ending.

Holiday Loneliness


It is seemingly very different from any type of loneliness that one tends to experience. The message of the holidays is togetherness and when that is no longer your theme, it can cause you to withdraw. The holidays are quickly coming and if you are enduring, or have endured a divorce it can be traumatic. I remember going through Thanksgiving and Christmas “divorced” for the first time. I was missing the family of my ex and our yearly family plans. I was financially depleted. So I was dealing with that. A few months before, I had just moved. So I was adjusting to that. My daughter was missing our holiday usual as well. I was hurting for her. My 12th year anniversary was coming up in December and it was already November and I had just gotten a job in later November sooooooo there was lots of transitioning happening.

All of that and now I had to begin to reluctantly settle into my new life–alone. I had no new memories to replace the old ones and to be honest I wanted the holidays to fall off the calendar. I was not ready to endure it without “what was” the year before. The loneliness, sadness, and devastation was enough for me to mentally check out! But I knew I had to ensure my daughter was okay and that my mom was okay, however I was not okay. I had just dedicated 14 years of my life to someone who threw it away. I was angry as hell. I was hiding the shame and embarrassment. I was hiding the loneliness. I did not know what else to do. I just wanted the loneliness and abandonment to go away. I wanted immediate healing from my divorce. I had to face it was not going to happen that way.

Fast forward to November 2013 and I am actually looking forward to the holidays. I welcome the cold weather, the lights, the party invites, and yes the sight of families. Has the loneliness totally gone away? No I won’t lie not totally, but it has lessened. But my tactic is different in dealing with it. I am choosing to confront the loneliness and not allow it to confront me. It is important to be aware of your emotional triggers as well as what you can, or cannot take. Find out where you are. You can’t anticipate everything but there are things that challenge you. Being aware can lessen the emotional breakdowns. They will not stop but my advice to you is to allow yourself to feel. Here are some tips that for me that I am sharing with you.

1.) Cry when you need to. No one has to understand it.
2.) Know where you are mentally and emotionally. If you can not handle the sappy movies and love songs, don’t. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those things, but if they tend to put you into a very low mental or emotional state; then lower the dosage that you don’t have to take. Know that you can not avoid what you see when you go out, but be careful of torturing yourself when you are alone. Listen to encouragement or read things that inspire you.
3.) Find the joy in the life God has granted you, versus wallowing in the pain of the divorce 24/7. Appreciation is something that we hear about when we are giving an award, but your hanging in there at this difficult time in your life, is appreciated. You are showing others how to push through without even knowing it. Know that you are in your hero phase. You will leap this pain in a single bound soon enough.
4.) Acknowledge that there is no way to replace what you had. Don’t try that. You must be willing to make what you have now, great. Start there.
5.) Allow God to be your sounding board. Tell Him exactly how you feel. Tell Him about the disappointment, the anger, the betrayal, the disbelief of the events, the discouragement, the low feelings, and the loneliness. God’s word says He will give us a garment of praise for our heaviness. Prayer is your exchange of what you are feeling, for the praise and encouragement that God can and will give you.
6.) Continue to awake each day knowing that it can only get better. Whether anything changes or not, you will get better.

Love you with the love of Christ! Be blessed!

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