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divorced hearts mending

…allow it to happen.

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October 2014

Who’s Next?

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Who’s next? Does it matter? Heck yes it does! After a divorce it is so very important to be careful regarding the next person that you invite in. Because whom ever that person is will either be an enhancement, or a trip back down memory lane because statistically speaking we tend to pick the same person over and over and over. It happens so organically that it seems normal. This is why we need to take break before we say,”Who’s next?!”

Relationship Must Reviews

1.) Re-calibrate your expectations. Stop expecting the same thing. Don’t be afraid to desire something different, and don’t be afraid of what that “different” might be.
2.) Get a clear indication of what you desire for your life to look like. This means that as you look deeply into the person that you want to be, the new person that you want needs to be an asset to that.
3.) Let’s just say it, the old person that you were with had some great qualities–but! Exactly “but”; move the “but” out of the way. Take time to define the qualities you truly desire.
4.) Don’t wast time with a filler. If they are not the one, be willing to walk away quickly. DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME!
5.) Do not be fooled, you need someone that has a spiritual foundation to what is similar to yours. Being on one accord is a GREAT thing!
6.) Trust God for the best. Don’t settle.

There is no better plan than to wait for God to place someone in your life. I will be honest, this is one of those statements that is more easily made than actually done. As who I am is redefining, what I want is also. I am opening my mind up to what God could have for me in a different physical package than what I would normally choose,or perhaps a different cultural background. Remember that you are not the same person after your divorce! You have learned, grown, and shifted. Allow that change to move you into a newness that you can enjoy. It is nothing wrong with different.

Again, decide what type of love you want! I have decided that I want a “Song of Solomon” type of love and courtship! If you have not read that book of the Bible it is worth the read! It is very passionate!!! But there is one scripture that I love from the book and it is great wisdom for the time that we are in.

Song of Solomon 2:7

7 Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.

Don’t say, “Who’s next?!” unless you are truly ready. Vet through the old garbage so that it does not effect the new. No need to rush.

Deal With It

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It hurts and it will hurt for a while. I know that it is not the most comforting open statement, but it is the truth. Divorce is an event that can wound a person well into the future. It does so without a thought. That is just want divorce does. Don’t expect it to care, it won’t. Divorce is not capable of it.

Because of this, we must choose to deal with it. We must choose to deal with the hurt, exhaustion, sense of loss, the abandonment, and the lack of companionship that is the result of this occurrence. If not, it will deal with us. As I sit here I am reminded of the initial feelings of my divorce and the ocean of loneliness that I experienced. I had a daughter to put through college, trying to find a job, and trying to put food in the fridge. I did not realized how much I needed someone I could call on. I had to deal with the bliss that my then friends where having in their lives, and the devastation I was having in mine. Reality can’t be avoided. It must be dealt with.

The second harsh truth is that the “someone” that you are thinking will be there, probably won’t. You may have to sit some days alone while hugging yourself. For some, your tears will ruin a few freshly applied make-up sessions. It’s okay. For others, the overwhelming feelings of grief will push you to behave totally out of character! Stay close to God. The pieces of you can come back together again. You are going to have to deal with it. All of it. Not just some of it. But whatever you do, don’t run from it. God is there. He will help you to confront the obstacles ahead; not just in prayer but in practical guidance and counsel through His word.

One thing is for sure, you are not obligated to deal with everything at once. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. So take it one obstacle at a time. Take it one day at a time. For every challenge, victory is absolutely possible, don’t give up. God will give you the strength to deal with it all, in the perfect time.

Ecclesiates 3:1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

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